You smell like a Billy Joel song
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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