if i died would you start the facebook group?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
