remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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