I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
