she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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