I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
my sisters under your porch take her home
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
