You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
