why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
