I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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