I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
