shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The uberlube is also flammable
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
