Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
