I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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