4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
