Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
