someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize