Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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