I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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