problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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