hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
well, you know. whores of a feather.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
