Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
