I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
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She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
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BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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