My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
