is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
