Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are two peas in an std pod
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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