when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
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Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
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I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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