I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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