I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
