Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(541): View more from Oregon

There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?

(253): View more from Washington

Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.

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(541): There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them? (253): Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either. http://tfl.nu/fhrp

Replies (21) Good night (1198) Bad night (627)
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(585): View more from New York

I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.

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(585): I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me. http://tfl.nu/00st

Replies (27) Good night (4816) Bad night (743)
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(604): View more from British Columbia

Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it

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(604): Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it http://tfl.nu/jw4z

Replies (13) Good night (937) Bad night (4073)
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(214): View more from Texas

I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.

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(214): I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall. http://tfl.nu/zz1u

Replies (35) Good night (5777) Bad night (1597)
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(315): View more from New York

I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?

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(315): I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here? http://tfl.nu/pgo7

Replies (8) Good night (1098) Bad night (3073)
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(206): View more from Washington

..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"

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(206): ..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance" http://tfl.nu/51ez

Replies (10) Good night (3178) Bad night (968)
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(818): View more from California

I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.

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(818): I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment. http://tfl.nu/bcax

Replies (8) Good night (2813) Bad night (994)
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(580): View more from Oklahoma

And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.

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(580): And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities. http://tfl.nu/eu72

Replies (10) Good night (2892) Bad night (814)
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(914): View more from New York

Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.

(1-914): View more from New York

You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.

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(914): Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county. (1-914): You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud. http://tfl.nu/15gl

Replies (3) Good night (2122) Bad night (703)
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(706): View more from Georgia

I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.

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(706): I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery. http://tfl.nu/adx0

Replies (7) Good night (1719) Bad night (624)
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(413): View more from Massachusetts

styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know

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(413): styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know http://tfl.nu/4o79

Replies (9) Good night (1372) Bad night (577)
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(631): View more from New York

She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat

(1-631): View more from New York

SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.

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(631): She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat (1-631): SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT. http://tfl.nu/se9g

Replies (5) Good night (1382) Bad night (551)
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(940): View more from Texas

He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.

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(940): He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there. http://tfl.nu/awit

Replies (3) Good night (1106) Bad night (519)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?

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(603): I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night? http://tfl.nu/pz1o

Replies (3) Good night (371) Bad night (704)
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(301): View more from Maryland

she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.

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(301): she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud. http://tfl.nu/ij9c

Replies (3) Good night (942) Bad night (270)

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