So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever