rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
