Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.