Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
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i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
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when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.