Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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