I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
