would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
