I could make wine with my vomit
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
