Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
