Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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