dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
