I'm really into asian looking animals
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
