Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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