Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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