I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower