You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going