so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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