i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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