Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
there was a trapeze. enough said
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Naked Twister starts at high noon
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You were trust falling into bushes
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
