When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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