NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize