____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
