i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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