I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
