we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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