You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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