TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
