Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
