very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
