I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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