its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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