You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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