We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
