Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
