I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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