im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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