I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
