she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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