At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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