there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
